Moving into Right Relationship with Others: The Art of Setting Boundaries with Compassion

Relationships lie at the heart of our lives, shaping our sense of connection, belonging, and growth. But what happens when a relationship—whether with a close friend, family member, or partner—begins to feel misaligned? How do we navigate the complexities of staying connected while honouring our own needs? And what does it mean to be in “right relationship” with someone who may not yet be in right relationship with themselves?

This is a story about a friendship, boundaries, and the journey towards living with integrity and compassion.

As we approach the new year, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the past twelve months—the highs, the challenges, and the lessons learned. Looking back, one of the most positive things I’ve done for myself has been stepping away from a dynamic that caused me significant stress. It wasn’t an easy decision, and truthfully, it’s still difficult; as there are still outstanding payments for work I completed in October, which has been a challenge to navigate.

Even so, with these lingering challenges, removing myself from that situation has been an act of self-care and a step towards a healthier, more aligned future. Since making that difficult decision two months ago, I’ve written a first draft of my first book, completed a third of the draft of my second, blogged daily, journalled daily, creatively directed shoots for my own brand, and felt my creative life force grow and flourish as I reclaimed it from places that drained me. I hadn’t realised the dampening effect it was having on me until it wasn’t there anymore.

This experience has taught me how crucial it is to not only recognise when a relationship is misaligned but also to take action in pursuit of harmony. This pursuit is at the core of what it means to be in “right relationship.”

Understanding “Right Relationship”

Being in right relationship is about harmony—living in alignment with your values, respecting yourself, and honouring others. It’s about authenticity, balance, and mutual respect. However, right relationship doesn’t mean perfection; it requires ongoing reflection, self-awareness, and, at times, difficult conversations.

When someone is not in right relationship with themselves—perhaps due to unresolved pain, unhealthy behaviours, or patterns that harm their own wellbeing—it often spills over into their relationships with others. If you’ve ever felt drained, confused, or hurt by someone close to you, you’ve likely experienced this firsthand.

Setting Boundaries with a Friend

Last year, I had to set boundaries with a close friend whose behaviour was affecting our relationship. I cared deeply for her and wanted to support her, but her actions were beginning to cross lines that felt unsustainable for me. Through reflection, I realised that my responsibility was not to fix her situation but to protect my own energy and integrity.

I approached the conversation with kindness, openly sharing my feelings and expressing what I needed to maintain a healthier connection. For a while, it seemed like things were improving. However, as time went on, familiar patterns of behaviour re-emerged—patterns that felt out of alignment with the values we had discussed. I began to notice the wider impact these behaviours were having, not just on me but on others as well. Despite my efforts to be supportive, the relationship brought increasing levels of anxiety, stress, and chaos into my life, leaving me unable to continue as things were.

Signs You’re Not in Right Relationship with a Friend

Here are some common signs that a friendship may no longer be in right relationship:

 1. Feeling Drained Instead of Energised:

If interactions with a friend consistently leave you feeling anxious, stressed, or emotionally depleted, it may be a sign that the dynamic isn’t serving you.

 2. Lack of Reciprocity:

Healthy friendships involve give and take. If you find yourself constantly giving—whether it’s time, energy, or emotional support—without receiving much in return, the balance may be off.

 3. Repeated Boundary Crossings:

Boundaries are essential for maintaining respect and balance. If a friend frequently disregards your boundaries, it can lead to resentment and strain.

 4. Patterns of Unhealthy Behaviour:

If you notice a friend consistently engaging in behaviours that harm themselves or others, and they are unwilling to take responsibility or seek help, it can create a challenging and unhealthy dynamic.

 5. Loss of Trust or Respect:

Trust and mutual respect are the foundation of any healthy relationship. If these are repeatedly broken, it becomes difficult to maintain a genuine connection.

 6. Incompatibility with Your Values:

As you grow and change, your values may shift. If a friend’s behaviours or attitudes feel increasingly misaligned with your core values, it can create a sense of disconnection.

Recognising these signs isn’t about blaming the other person—it’s about becoming aware of the dynamics in your relationships and how they affect you.

Recognising When It’s Time to Step Away

Sometimes, despite your best efforts to be reflective, supportive, and compassionate, the dynamic doesn’t change. This year, after much soul-searching, I made the difficult decision to step away from the friendship.

This wasn’t a decision made in anger or resentment, but from a place of love—for myself and, ultimately, for her too. Staying in the relationship any longer would have meant enabling patterns that were harming both of us. Walking away allowed me to honour the connection we had while creating space for both of us to grow in our own ways.

Deciding to step away from any relationship is rarely straightforward. Strong emotions, lingering doubts, and feelings of guilt can cloud your judgement. It’s crucial to give yourself time to process these emotions fully before making any decisions or taking action.

How to Gain Perspective Before Acting

 1. Don’t React When Emotions Are High:

When a challenging interaction leaves you feeling hurt or angry, it’s tempting to send a message or confront the person right away. However, reacting in the heat of the moment often escalates conflict and can lead to regret. Instead, give yourself time to let the emotions settle.

 2. Journal About It:

Writing about the situation can be a powerful way to gain clarity. Journalling allows you to process your emotions and reflect on the relationship without external judgement. It can help you identify patterns, your own triggers, and the impact the relationship is having on your wellbeing.

 3. Reflect with a Therapist or Impartial Friend:

Talking things through with someone impartial—whether a therapist, trusted friend, or even a supportive online resource like ChatGPT—can provide valuable perspective. They can help you see the situation more clearly and support you in understanding whether stepping away is the right choice.

 4. Ask Yourself Key Questions:

 • How does this relationship make me feel most of the time?

 • Are my boundaries being respected?

 • Am I able to show up as my authentic self, or do I feel drained and unsupported?

 • Have I communicated my needs clearly, and has the other person made an effort to respond?

 5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel:

It’s natural to feel sadness, anger, or grief when relationships shift or end. Honour those emotions without letting them define your next steps. Remind yourself that prioritising your peace is not an act of selfishness—it’s a way to create space for healthier connections.

How to Handle Difficult Situations with Compassion

Once you’ve reflected and decided on the best course of action, approach the situation with kindness and clarity. Here are some ways to navigate this process with compassion:

 1. Reflect on Your Values:

Consider what being in right relationship means to you. What values are most important in your relationships? Use these as a guide for your decisions.

 2. Communicate Clearly and Kindly:

When setting boundaries, express your needs with honesty and compassion. Use “I” statements to avoid blame (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”). This approach keeps the focus on your experience and avoids creating defensiveness.

 3. Be Patient, But Know Your Limits:

It’s fine to give someone time to change, but be clear on your boundaries. If their behaviour continues to harm you despite repeated efforts to address it, it’s okay to step away.

 4. Practise Self-Compassion:

Ending a relationship can be painful and may bring up guilt or doubt. Remind yourself that prioritising your wellbeing is an act of self-respect, not selfishness. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend in a similar situation.

 5. Release with Love:

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring about the person. It means you’re choosing to honour yourself and the relationship by recognising its limits. You can wish them well while stepping away to protect your peace.

One way to make this process feel more meaningful is to release the relationship in a ceremonial way. Ceremonies can bring a sense of closure and intentionality to the act of letting go. This might include:

 • Writing a Letter (and Not Sending It): Pour your thoughts and emotions into a letter to the person, expressing gratitude for the positive moments, acknowledging the pain, and formally letting them go. Then, you might burn or bury the letter as a symbolic release.

 • Creating a Ritual with Nature: Go to a favourite spot in nature, such as a forest or a beach, and speak aloud your intentions to release the relationship. You might toss a stone into the water or bury something meaningful to mark the transition.

 • Lighting a Candle: Light a candle in a quiet space, reflecting on the connection, the lessons learned, and the reasons you need to let go. When you’re ready, extinguish the candle as a way to symbolise the ending.

 • Practising Gratitude and Forgiveness: Take a moment to silently thank the person for the role they’ve played in your life, even if it ended in difficulty. Forgiveness, whether directed at them or yourself, can help release lingering tension and allow you to move forward with peace.

These small but powerful acts can transform a painful ending into a moment of growth and renewal, helping you approach the future with an open heart and a sense of alignment.

The Bigger Picture: Right Relationship with Yourself

Stepping away from a relationship is never easy, but it’s often necessary for growth—for both people. By approaching these situations with patience, reflection, and compassion, you create space for healing and transformation, both within yourself and in the dynamic. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for you and the other person—is to walk away.

Ultimately, right relationship starts with you. By respecting your own boundaries, prioritising your values, and practising compassion, you create a foundation for healthier, more aligned connections with others.

Letting go of a misaligned relationship is never easy, but it’s often necessary for growth—for both people. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to step back and allow space for healing, reflection, and transformation to occur.

If you’re navigating a similar situation, know that it’s okay to choose yourself. Boundaries are not walls; they are bridges to deeper authenticity and connection—for those who are willing to meet you there.

In creativity and connection,

Rosie